into the unknown

aren’t we always journeying into the unknown? isn’t that what it means to be alive?

i’ve been in California for a few days for work. yesterday was a free day, a day of rest before heading home today. surrounded by the mountains and the sea, i wanted to get out and explore. i set my sights on a state park by the ocean.

i set out. rented a car, packed my bag and called for an Uber ride to the car rental place. smooth sailing. i was feeling good.

until…when i arrived, issues with the car rental. all they had was an electric car. I wasn’t sure—i had never driven one—but the guy assured me and gave me a little business card with “tips”. ok. i’d go for it.

after a while looking for the car in the lot (omg that was a thing!), i finally found it and after getting in and figuring out how to start it, i was pretty sure that it wasn’t fully charged. went back in to report and ask for help. the man at the counter was not interested in helping and directed me back into the main office. i did not want to go back through all that. he insisted. the only way, he said. like a robot. discouraged, I headed back out to the car to get my stuff and then found another employee who seemed friendlier. i asked him for help—can you take a look and make sure I’m reading this right? is it fully charged? “of course! yep—you’re right. it’s not charged.” he suggested i talk to the robot guy and i said, well…i did. he got it. he walked me back in and facilitated the convo—still robotic, still miserable—but i got another car. still electric. but i was good to go.

pulled out of the lot and headed to the beach. until…at a stop light, i got worried about this car’s charge. it looked like it, too, wasn’t charged. looked and looked…kept looking. yep, it was only 30% charged. what to do? I looked at it as an experiment, a challenge. pulled over into a 7-11 parking lot to gather myself and read over the business card tips. omg. there was a QR code and a video to watch and…it was a lot. lol. googled where to find electric chargers and figured I’d figure it out; i’d just keep asking for help.

found a place nearby. even looking for signs you don’t normally look for is a whole thing. how many times do i drive by electric chargers and never notice? i pulled in and up and…yeah, i needed help. went into the gas station and asked a young woman working there. she was super helpful and offered to come out to assist. turns out, the machine was down. and standing there with her, something shifted in me. something lifted.

i asked her where she’d suggest i visit close by? maybe i’d stay closer…was there a park or lake or trail or something? she kept saying all there was were warehouses in the Inland Empire. a lament, a prayer. she shared she was wanting to venture out, too but wasn’t good about knowing where to go. she and a friend had plans to plan. we laughed a bit about the circumstances and she left me there—with a suggestion to google—and some strengthened reserve and encouragement.

i googled. found another charging station down the road, at a mall. got there to find the stations all full so i pulled behind a guy. he looked very concerned. i pulled into an empty spot next to him and went over to his window. his look of worry began the conversation—i don’t know what I’m doing, i offered. can you help me? he pointed to the VERY LONG line of cars waiting to be charged and then basically, rolled his window up, sputtering out the fact that if i didn’t have an app for the car on my phone, i couldn’t use this station.

well. it wasn’t turning out to be the day i’d envisioned, sitting on the beach with wind blowing in my hair. i was sitting in a mall parking lot with a car that i was growing to hate—so many buttons and gadgets and lights and noises!—not sure where to go or what to do. part of me wanted to laugh. part of me wanted to cry. so i sat there.

i decided to drive up to Claremont and visit the Botanical Garden. it was close. the decision brought some relief and i found excitement in possibility of visiting Claremont. in another lifetime—just after graduation from undergrad—i was headed here for a PhD program in Cultural Studies. it was the first year of the program and I was attracted enough to it that I had turned down my Peace Corps placement. that summer after undergrad, as i saved money for the move to California, i reconnected with Michael and we’d elope five months later. i can hear my dad saying now, “Oh, the best laid plans of mice and men.” anyway, it was feeling good to set eyes and feet on ground that once held my dreams.

onward. i got on the road and turned music on my phone (because I couldn’t figure out how to connect the bluetooth lol). then, a beautiful thing happened. i had found my stride with Brandi Carlisle and Claremont on my heart. the traffic was moving smoothly, hitting all the green lights and then i notice that the odometer is reading differently that i’d noticed before. now, it looks like the car is fully charged.

yes, it is fully charged. i’d read it wrong! all of that, and it was charged all along.

wow. ok.

i’d not been able to read it right until i was. i hadn’t been able to see until i could.

it’s a huge lesson that life keeps showing in incredible ways about the power of keeping our hearts open and how our hearts are leading the way, carefully guiding us into and through the unknown.

as I got closer to Claremont, i felt the desire to venture on. all was in flow now—the bluetooth even connected!—and i was enjoying the drive. i was in California! and even the LA traffic was an experience.

an hour later, i found myself here.

where the west coast dissolves into endless horizon and the stone formations move. walking along the shore, i stood on one.

“aren’t you afraid of sea urchins?” a little girl in a bright red bikini came hollering. should I be? i asked her. “well…” and she proceeded to give me tour of the stones, showing me with delight where the biggest sea urchins lived, daring me to touch them. a little sparkle of mischief in her eye.

wow. i never knew. I never knew what a sea urchin felt like. until I met Ava.

until i met that damn electric car, that miserable dude, that kind parking lot attendant, that young woman who planned to plan, the worried driver, the perfect soundtrack, the green stop lights, dreams of yesterday, LA traffic…

i never knew. and i did, too. because my heart led me here. led me here to all of this.

i keep hearing Frozen’s song “into the unknown” playing…so there’s that.

and here’s this. some beauty from the edges of the unknown, where i played yesterday. from my heart to yours.